So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
