Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
