I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You may now shotgun with the bride
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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