I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
