R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
