Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
