He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
