You really coming over, don't trick.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm too high and old for this...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
