Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
