i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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