quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
