Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
