I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
