I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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