I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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