your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
