so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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