i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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