He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize