I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
