My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize