maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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