Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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