She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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