I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
