dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize