i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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