just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
