you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
