OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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