so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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