You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
