Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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