I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
