Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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