1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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