Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
