She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
