My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
