I wish you could order shots online.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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