Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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