You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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