so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
