If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
