Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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