He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
