Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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