how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
