i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
