I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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