How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i believe in u and ur pee
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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