a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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