Sry I called you an 8
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Randomize
