just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
