I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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