The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
