I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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