1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
