About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You ruined the universe
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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