How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
