Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
