Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
