I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
