I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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