By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
