Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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