My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
