There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
