I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
