You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
