i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
