Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
