Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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