There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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