Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
