You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
