i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
